My turn

Well, my birthday came and went and I survived.  I still don’t know why the birthdays are such a big thing to me this year.  I have not spent every birthday with my family so this fixation is a little weird.

I got through the headache, the shakes, the tears and spent half the day at a casino.  In memory of my brother?  Nope.  He was not a gambler so this was definitely not in his memory.  But he would have gotten some major giggles over the machine Holly found.  Steve got a lot of laughs from a college nickname I had (thanks Deltas) that I was totally innocent of  (totally!).  Thanks Holly, that made my day even if I did not win any money.  Thinking of how much Steve would have laughed at the game and your impression of the main character is priceless.

What did I do in memory of him…spent the other half of the day watching football of course.

My Brother’s Holiday

I thought a lot about him today.  Well that is silly.  I think about him every day, many times a day. 

But today is kinda like it is his day.  He was always full of pranks.  You almost had to think it was April Fool’s Day every day with him.

I miss his pranks.  His laughter. Him.

Translating love.

I am reading a book about the language of love, how people express their love for others and I think how people interpret how they are loved.  The book says there are 5 ways we express love:

  1. Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

My way, not sure yet.  Depending on the person I think I do all of these.

How does my brother express love, I think acts of service or quality time.   It is definitely not affirmations or physical touch (he is a one arm hug kinda guy).  He gives laughter, bakes, remembers small details about someone, helps in times of need. 

Right now we shower him in all forms of love.  We are drowning him with it, desperately trying to find ways to show we care, how much we care.   He is probably tired of it some days, overwhelmed with the level of attention.   But I can’t help thinking what a privilege we have to be able to do this.  Even if we are going a little overboard and annoying the crap out of him.

And while he is flooded with all our waves of love I also think how lost he must be thinking he no can no longer show his love.   He really hasn’t lost it, but he probably thinks he has.    He can no longer do as much for others, but he can still give quality time.  He feels like people must be bored spending time with him now.  What he does not realize is the time we spend with him now is so important, at least to me.  None of it is wasted.  Even if we just sit and watch episodes of Glee.  Every second is worth it, he is worth it.

He knows how much we are all crying, how that must crush him.  When he has spent so much time showing us his love by making us laugh, it must drive him crazy to hear our hearts breaking.

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