Tonight we gathered for dinner at my brother’s house. My dad cooked salmon, my brother’s request. After dinner we shared memories. Old memories, memories some of us heard for the first time, memories we have shared over and over. We laughed till we cried.
We cried. Tonight would be the last time our family would be whole. Tomorrow my brother dies. Tonight we gathered to say good-bye. To create a new memory. To let him know how much we love him and will miss him. And support this decision.
I don’t think any of us wanted to leave. Maybe if the night never ended we could keep him here with us forever. Like the last verse in P!nk’s song “Glitter”, we wished for an endless night, to hold the moon and stars in place and never let go.
We are so lucky to have this tragic moment, to be able to say good-bye and have him say it back. We all had a quiet word with him, I don’t know what the others said to him and I can’t remember all that I said. We had a giggle when I knelt beside him and he said “Hello Lisa”. We talked for a bit. He told me he was glad we went to Yellowstone. It was his last time there and my first. I told him how much I love his kids and I would always be there for them. I told him I love him. I want so badly for him to know how much I love him. A couple days ago we talked and I told him I did not know how to tell him what he means to me. He said he knew how I felt about him. If that is true then somehow I did something right.
My parents clung to each other after their good-bye. I cannot imagine their sorrow.
Before we left he made us laugh, with a twinkle in his eye he claimed all the stories about him were untrue.
We come back tomorrow to see him one last time.