A friend from work whose mom has stomach cancer and will die soon asked me yesterday if I feel any guilt. She does because her mom lives in Korea and she feels that if she had insisted her mom live with her in America she would have received better health care.
I was shocked at the question. I do feel guilt, but no one had asked me that before. I feel like it should be me. I don’t have kids and I probably have lived the least healthy life of my family. If life were fair, it would be me.
Every time I look at him I feel it. Not that no one would care if I were gone. People would. But not like his kids will miss him. Not like my other sisters would probably miss him, since he is the only brother. Not like my parents would miss him, since he is the only son. Not like the 200 plus people who came together to raise over 100,000 for his care and his kids. Not like the people who came to fix his yard, his stairs, his bathroom.
Not like that.
He never asks why him. I ask myself every day, why not me?